Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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