i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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