So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
