Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
