Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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