Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
