Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
