Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
