Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
