May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
