my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
