Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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