I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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