just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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