Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
