I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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