Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize