I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
