he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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