at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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