I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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