DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
