Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I bet he comes in French.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
