he shaved USA in his pubs
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
