did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
