I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
