I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
