Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
