i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
