I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
