the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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