is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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