oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
