as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
