A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
