A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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