no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You pole danced in your parka.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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