I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
