Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
