I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
