I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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