She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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