We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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