We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
