This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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