You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
