we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
