i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
