and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
