She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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