i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
