winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
