last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize