"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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