I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
