New invention idea: vibrating tampons
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
