how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
