1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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