Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
