you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
