Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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