Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize