Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
