dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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