woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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