You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
